Leeks are Yummy
by My Gender is Armin Arlert
Summary: Princess Peach has to explain to the angel Pit why these mysterious newcomers are in the Smash Mansion.


Pit stared at Peach. Peach stared at him. This staring contest went on for a few minutes before the angel decided to focus his attention on the guests that surrounded her.

"Peach, if you don't mind me asking…who are these people?" Pit asked, a confused look on his face. "Except Dark Pit – I know who that fool is."

Four people surrounded Peach, three of them unfamiliar faces. The only face he could recognize was his "twin", Dark Pit. They avoided eye contact with the angel, except for the one that looked like nothing more than a child-like Bowser and Dark Pit.

"Well…" Peach started, not sure how to explain herself. "You see…"

"I see…?"

"These are, um, newcomers to the tournament. Master Hand wanted it to be surprise, but, uh…it's not anymore."

"Okay, okay…" Pit said while nodded, accepting and analyzing the information, "but why were they a surprise in the first place, and why aren't they anymore?"

Peach gulped. "You ask a lot of questions, Pit, heh heh."

"Just answer it."

"Fine, fine, fine. You see, these four fine characters – Dark Pit, Dr. Mario, Bowser Jr., and some dude named Chalk – have –"

The blonde-haired newcomer interrupted Peach. "Actually, my name is Shulk, Miss Peach. I'm from a game called _Xenoblade Chronicles_."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, _Renoblade Particles_. That sounds like a very interesting game." Peach dismissed Shulk's protests with a wave of her hand.

"Anyway, Pitty-Pat, Dr. Mario was in the Melee tournament with us, something that you didn't get include for quite amusing reasons."

Pit gave Peach a deathly glare. The princess pretended she didn't notice it and continued.

"Bowser Jr. is some demonic hellspawn child of Bowser's, and Shulk's just another swordsman. You know who Dark Pit is: a better version of you. Anyway, Master and Crazy Hand kept them locked up in the basement; they weren't supposed to come out until we officially started the tournament, but Shulk here wanted to use some sword to break their chains and escape."

"The name of the sword is Monado –"

"Your sword has a hole in it. A freakin' hole. It's impractical as shit."

"Well, Peach, you fight with a frying pan. Isn't that impractical?" Dr. Mario said.

Peach glared at him. "Shut up. The pan, racket, and club were the first things I'd noticed before Mario dragged me off to this hellhole – er, I mean a wonderful tournament created by the even more wonderful Masahiro Sakurai."

Peach looked around, shivering and seemingly nervous. An ominous sound a thunder roared in the distance. Pit rolled his eyes.

"Please stop breaking the fourth wall – it's unprofessional. Now…" Pit turned his attention to Shulk, who was just standing there in confusion. "Mr. Shulk, is it? Yeah, you seem like a normal fellow. Mind tellin' me what's goin' on here?"

"Your face is what's goin' on here," Dark Pit retorted. Bowser Jr. gave the dark angel a high-five. Pit ignored them, walking past the mischievous idiots to talk to Shulk.

"Well, we weren't _really_ stuck in the basement," Shulk started to explain, chuckling nervously. "We kind of, well…we kind of broke into the Smash Mansion to participate in the tournament."

"You what?" The angel groaned in annoyance. The last time anyone had broken into anything at the Smash Mansion was when Ike broke the safe that contain a year's supply of meat and spicy food.

"Yes, yes, I know, I know – it looks bad, but trust me it's not…yet."

Pit raised an eyebrow. "Yet?"

"Yes, yet. Um, we had gotten caught by those floating hands after Dark Pit and Bowser Jr. staring playing really loud music."

_'So that explains the faint sound of yodeling I heard a few nights ago,'_ Pit thought.

"After we had gotten caught, I tried to fight them off, but everyone else cowered in fear and begged to go home – "

"Hey!" Dark Pit interjected. "I'll have you know that I did _not_ cower in fear. I tried to run away; the others cried like babies. They didn't try to run away. HUGE difference, you bishounen."

An argument started between the two as Shulk attempted to calmly explain to Dark Pit that the dark angel was a bishounen as well. Pit looked over to see that Princess Peach was choking Dr. Mario with her hands. He tried to reach for a Megavitamin, but Bowser Jr. kicked it out of reach. The angel decided that this wasn't worth his time, and he turned to leave the scene. He tripped over a heavy object, causing him to on his face and endure Dark Pit's idiotic laughter.

Pit gathering his bearings and stood up. He looked down to see what had cause the fall.

His blue eyes widened, and his mouth was agape before he yelled, "Who the hell let a dog and a duck in here?! Seriously?!"

* * *

**It's 2:45 in the morning. I'm tired and I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never played Xenoblade Chronicles. That is all.**


End file.
